Captain Perfecto #3 - Trial of the Multiverse or Loopholes are for Lawyers

This is part 3.  If you are a masochist, you can try parts one and two.  Just don't forget the Ibuprofen.

"So the case got dismissed."
"On what grounds"
"Does it really matter?  Lack of standing, lack of jurisdiction, lèse-majesté, because."

The lawyer flicked an imaginary dust mote off of his impeccably tailored trousers, the crease was sharp enough to cut flesh.
"The totalitarian ruler of the universe has any number of remedies up to and including the execution and perpetual torture of the plaintiff."
"So what happened here?
"The totalitarian ruler of the universe has any number of remedies up to and including the execution and perpetual torture of the plaintiff."

"Ah, so."

"Yes, sad really.  I don't understand what Adam and Eve were trying to do. After all, it was very clear from the beginning that they were created to invalidate the warranty by misusing those fruit components."

"You mean it was a set up job?"

"Of course, how could it be otherwise?  They don't call the ruler of the universe Captain Perfecto for nothing", the lawyer said primly.  Indeed, everything about him screamed prim:  suit, gleaming desk, even his screen saver looked like it would be happiest in a spinster's study.

"But why? What does He have to gain by creating, enticing and then smashing these silly little pumpkins?"

"Well that's the million dollar question, isn't it?  I guess at some level He just enjoys the chase, creating and manipulating humans is his 'thing' so to speak."

"But this one seems to have gotten way, way out of hand, I mean 60 billion souls, keeeriiist, that's a lot of wastage"

"And it's still going strong.  But the one thing you never, ever, ever do is hold the almighty God accountable for what He creates. Or does, for that matter. That's a big no no."

"But who else can be responsible?  I mean God made it didn't He?"

"Yes"

"And he's perfect isn't He?"
"Well, after a fashion."

"What do you mean?"

The lawyer shifted in his chair, considered crossing his legs and then noting his perfect crease, demurred. 

"Well there are some of us that believe that God only appears to be perfect because He sits outside of space and time, in other words, He sees the future and arranges it such that it turns out the way He wants - He engineers His personal perfection into the system."

"I see"

"Of course all of His mucking around with time to make Himself look good plays absolute hob with the universe - the amount of chaos and pain that occur because of His 'never ending pursuit of perfection' well, let's just say that we wouldn't have a human rights tribunal or a FEMA if God was a tad less....fastidious."

"So what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Well you seem to have God's 'number' and excuse me for saying, but you don't seem to be his biggest fan, why aren't you dead and being tortured? Sorry for being so blunt."

"What makes you think that I'm not?"

"Being tortured? Well for one thing, you're sitting here."

"There are lots of different types of torture, God is infinite and therefore infinitely creative in his infinite cruelty"

"Oh, ha-ha, joke's on me!"

"Let's just say that I have limited immunity.."

"Oh, UN, huh"

"Sort of."