Beware the Labelers of Destiny

A response to a friend who admired my father's exquisitely organized garage:

Oh my friend you are toying with powers beyond your ken. You do not engage my father to organize, you submit to the cleansing power of His Truth Which Organizes and Can Find All. You are then integrated into his ReBorg. My brother and I have escaped the ReBorg only by living totally disorganized and random lives. We have spent the last three decades tracking down the Three Labelers of Destiny: One to find them, One to Index them and One to Label them all. The first was discovered next to the dead body of the last Director of the Library of Congress who had labelled all 37 million items alphabetically...by the third letter in each of their names and was in the process of doing the same using the fourth when he died of apoplexy. The second was found on a Yakatori stand owner in the Ginza,Tokyo, Japan. He not only had labeled everything he owned and every piece of food he sold, he also labeled every bit of every ingredient in each piece of food which is why we found him starved to death. My father is the Labelmaker and he holds the third labeler. This winter's solstice my brother and I will take the three Labelers of Destiny to a special field where we will chant special chants and will waggle our asses in special waggles - well Todd will, he has a big waggly ass, mine's to damn small and pert. But if he does and we succeed we will do nothing less than save Entropy from destruction. For if the Labelmaker wins, everything will stop decaying, things will stop going to hell in a handbasket and all the crap that you or I ever made that we're glad is gone won't be. As I was told by my LabelBorg Fighting Mentor as he gestured towards the New York skyline: "If we fail then this all goes on forever and I don't think I could take that". And neither could we. So pray for us and for the restoration of every Man's God Given Right to a disordered, slovenly, half assed life.