Surprised by Joy

Had to get out of the office so I slipped out the back door and beetled down the street.  I usually end up at either the New Cathedral - I'm sorry:  "The Cathedral Basilica of Saint Louis" a truly astounding Romanesque cathedral with a Byzantine riot of mosaic on every available surface - or at St. Xavier's church.  I went east so St. Xavier's it was.  In most cities St. Xavier's would be called a 'cathedral', but compared to the Cathedral Basilica, it's just a church with the clean, high vaulting lines of the German Gothic style.

Up the stairs, down past deserted pews, knee pad down, thud:  I'm not a very good prayer which is why even though I'm not a Catholic, I like to do it  in their Churches.  There's something about the awesome majesty of these old piles that brings me to a place where I am open to the Spirit's prompting.

"Forgive me for my sins, all of them"
"Give me Faith"
"My friend Jay's wife is very sick Lord, heal her...and help him"
"Help me make some money"
"Protect my family, particularly from me"

As I said, I'm not much of a prayer.

As I was wrapping up someone began playing on the grand piano far to the front.  Debussy.  Clair de Lune.  Its elegant, gentle melody soared in the high vaulted chamber.  I sat back and listened with my eyes wide open.  I watched the light flood - crimson, purple, gold - through the stained glass windows.  It played among dust motes that danced to the music.  I marveled at the finely carved stone altar and carefully sculpted figures dappled in the stained light.

And slowly, softly, surely, it crept over me.  I've felt it occasionally before but today in the soaring chambers of St. Xavier's with Debussy echoing off of every surface I felt it more deeply than ever before:  "So this is what it means to be surprised by Joy".

The song ended.  I walked up to the front as the pianist was looking for something else to play.  I think I startled him with the intensity of my expression:  "Thank you", I said, "Thank you".  And then I turned: through the big doors out into the sunshine of a winter's day.

Lord:  I want more Joy.