Why do we say we 'promote' democracy? Every President does it. Right, left, even nutter (Jimmy, quit fiddling with that podium) they all announce that they are going to promote democracy. Government by the people. Not for us, mind you, we already have a form of democracy ostensibly limited by a republican constitution (hah!). But for others - our little brown (and white, yellow, black, light chocolate, dark orange and chartreuse) brothers. We're taking up the 'White man's burden' again. Except that we're not exactly white anymore.
So why do we think that everyone else doesn't have democracy in the first place? If democracy is rule by the people and the people acquiesce to the rule of a Medieval monarchy like the House of Saud haven't the people spoken? People aren't fleeing Saudi Arabia in boxcar lots are they? But people are fleeing 'democracies' like El Salvador, hell they're launching their kids unguided over our borders squawking "donde esta la migra" over and over again like little kewpie dolls with microchips shoved up their asses. They're doing this because their 'rule by the people' sucks so bad. And if a 'democracy' chooses things we don't like - those Nigerians and Utahans seem to have it in for gays, for example - we dismiss their views as being 'bigoted'. So we really don't want democracy so much as we want conformance to liberal norms of behavior - one of which is going through the motions of regular elections where there are multiple parties who all agree with our western liberal norms. Even if these need to be imposed by decidedly anti-democratic means like a bunch of old lawyers in black mummus decreeing it shall be so.
We are so tolerant of those who define tolerance the way we do, aren't we? But that's not really democracy is it? It's internationalist republicanism where the 'constitution' is defined by a narrow and oh so shallow liberal elite whose opinions evolve along with whatever happens to be fashionable in New York, London, Paris and San Francisco - perhaps Berlin but not much beyond them - Sorry Toronto and Boston, you're boring - you too Rome. And Athens: shut up.
And just in case you haven't noticed, it's not working. The liberal consensus is dissolving all around us. And the further the righteous push it, the more it breaks because oddly enough while most people want all the clever doodads that westernization brings they don't necessarily want all the self righteous white man's new burden crap that goes with it - maybe the Japanese do but who outside of Japan really knows what the Japanese think?
Now whether or not you can import 'modern' things without importing the 'western' cultural potting soil that they grew in is an interesting question being tested as we speak. The Chinese, Russians and Arabs in particular are trying hard to divorce modernity and westernization so good luck with that. But one thing is certain: Euro-American style liberal democracy isn't really on offer, even in most of the 'democracies' that exist today. And I would argue it many cases it's not on offer because the demos there doesn't want it. Or at least they don't value it over other more pressing needs like culture, peace, stability, family.
In honor of this astoundingly obvious observation, I propose an updated "Good Neighbor Policy" to deal with our complicated little world. There are two absolute rules that we all must live by in our little corner of the universe: first, we keep our hands to ourselves - we don't mess with the neighbors, don't invade their pools or kidnap their kids (unless they want us to). Within our own little plot of heaven (or hell) we are free to do what we want, beat the wife and kids, run medical experiments, fill our pool with jello so long as we do it quietly and the beatings happen the basement so no one outside the family can see or hear or find evidence of them without looking in our trash cans. Because if you were to violate our second rule: Don't embarrass the neighborhood, we might be forced to come in and replace you with someone who is more amenable to our rules. We're not going to change your religion or your tradition of wife beating if that's your bag, baby, but we do require you to follow the two key rules or else. If you want help, we'll help up to a certain degree - but we're neighbors, not your fucking parents. Just keep the chaos down to a dull roar and cut your grass once in a while and we'll leave you alone, OK?
If we'd done that in Iraq and Afghanistan we'd have been out in a jiffy. And whomever we put in when we left would have treated us and by extension our oh so liberal bien pensant allies with a thoughtful circumspection - the hammer of Thor gets a lot of respect only when it is used decisively and quickly withdrawn. When it sits in the corner rusting people start wondering if it's really that hammery after all. As George Washington sagely observed: we're not the guarantors of anyone's liberty but our own. So if you want what we've got work for it and in the mean time, mind your Ps and Qs. Okay?
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