Monday, February 17, 2014

Tiberius, Sejanus and Affordable Care

The Emperor Tiberius was notoriously paranoid in his later years, a fact that the head of his Praetorian Guard - Sejanus used to gain power and enrich himself.  Traditionally Romans had the right to criticize their rulers, including the Emperor under Augustus but under Sejanus' administration of Tiberius' Principate speaking ill of the Emperor or any of his policies became a crime - a crime Sejanus used to extrajudicially murder his enemies and confiscate their property.

Our Emperor is his own Sejanus and fortunately for us, this is a much less violent time and there are many more restraints on the executive.  Nonetheless, Emperor Barack I has decreed a boon to businesses between 50 and 99 employees:  they do not need to comply with the ACA until 2016 - well after the latest elections rather than in 2013 as originally scheduled.  The authority to do this - like any number of other ACA decrees - is found nowhere in the law or our Constitution - it is simply the Emperor's wish that it be so.  So far, so normal in the rule of the liberal Jesus who in fact lives a remarkably sinful Constitutional life for one who is supposedly a Constitutional 'scholar' and 'sin free'.

But this time he has done something new, something remarkably Late Tiberian.  The Lord has decreed that the boon granted to businesses sized 50-99 shall only be given if the business swears that any reduction in employment done between now and then was not done to gain access to said boon.  Under pain of perjury.  Thus, the Emperor has decreed a new crime:  the crime of responding to the Emperor's policy in a critical way and not keeping your mouth shut.  In other words, the Emperor has decreed that for those most directly affected, criticizing His policy is a crime against the state which of course in these days of Imperial Decrees is Him.

Of course, like Tiberius, Barack I will not be prosecuted for his crimes, nor impeached, nor removed from office and certainly not slaughtered by the Praetorians and tossed off the Tarpeian Rock.  Instead he will retire and like WJC before him (but not GWB, strangely enough) he will assume his rightful place in the Pantheon of Deified Presidents and in due course become the second centi-millionaire post President (mostly by spending his time 'helping the poor', natch). Although I don't think that even he could match WJC's (PBUH) recent receipt of an award from Woman's Day Magazine I presume for his 'lifetime contributions' - albeit modest and individual - to the nutrition of thousands of women the world over.

Although it would be interesting to watch Tiberius Claudius Nero Sejanus Barack Hussein Obama Jesus ben Joseph the Christ crucify himself.  He could use his driver.


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