Interview with a Diety

Note to readers: this post got accidentally posted.  Well actually it didn't 'get' posted, I screwed up. It is a work in progress that I will repost from time to time.  Incidentally, some of you will say that I'm doing the same thing as that creepy vampire chick did with Tom Cruise.  Well perhaps a little but the fundamental difference is that Vampires aren't real and God is (oh God I hope I don't have that backwards).  And He definitely isn't anything that Tom Cruise could play.  More like Charlton Heston - I mean if you could raise him from the Dead, which of course would make him God, which means he definitely could play God.  Well anyway to satisfy the lawyers:  I don't know who that vampire chick is and I never read all of her books all the way through nor did I see that movie that Tom Cruise pretended to be a french vampire in that was so good.  Here's the second part of this which doesn't have anything to do with that creepy vampire chick either: Intverview With a Diety - Crisis at the Config Center

Interview With a Diety

He was in a dark room in the back of a cafe off Gravois near Soulard. I would have asked him what he was doing in Saint Louis but I got the sense that it didn't matter any more than asking him why he was in 2013.

His companion - Gabe I think was his name - ushered me in.  I never got a good look at God.  I know that sounds fishy because other people claim to have seen him in a burning bush or a cloud or a Jewish carpenter. I don't know about that because all I saw was a heavy set figure slouched in a chair swaddled from head to toe (that's if Gods have heads....or toes) in the most amazing black cloth...light just fell into it.

"So Gabe says you have questions?"

He had a surprisingly high voice, not really male or female- a bit like Truman Capote without the lisp and  less distinct.  Almost as if it wasn't really there. I thanked him for giving me time and he waved my thanks away with what must have been his utterly lightless 'arm'.

"So Gabe says you have questions?"
"Yes O glorious and right..."
"Hey! Cut that out.  Not here, not now.  You have questions so ask."
"What do I call you"
"How about God."
"So are you?"
"God? The alpha and omega, the prime mover, that God? Yes.  Look: I am that I am and that's that. If you want me to do something God like..."
"No that won't be necessary"
"Good, because I was about to tell you you could go to hell - not really, it's just a joke I share with my archangels."

He shifted his weight in the chair - it was very hard to see much change in his lightless black form.
"So you have weight..."
"Am I really here? Well let's just say that I'm a projection into your universe in a manner designed to minimize both your imagination and alarm".
"Hence the blackness"
"Oh that. Well that's an adaptation to a problem that I had."
"Problem?"
"Well I used to 'present' in more animated forms, I particularly liked this red outfit with a cape that I used to go around in. But people started saying that they saw 'God' and then others said 'no you didn't' and then the first guy would say 'did so, he was dressed in red' and the other guys would say 'that's not God, that's the Devil from hell' and to prove their point they'd set the guy that saw me on fire."
"I see."
"Suffice it to say that it's better if I go around unseen and this is my unseen outfit."
"So that's why...."
"Light seems to fall into it? Yes."

I had the distinct impression that he knew what I was going to say before I said it, even my very...

"Thoughts? Of course, what else would God do? I used to only answer written questions which was fine although when we had no paper like in the Sinai writing on stone became a bit cumbersome." He shrugged his shoulders.  "It's just ever since Jesus spent all that time in Palestine I've gotten more and more impatient. Guess I shouldn't, after all I created you, can't blame you but there it is". 

So Jesus exists?
"Of course he does, although it's not quite as formalized as 'The Triune God' and all that. Its just that Jesus, Holy and I are three parts of the same whole.  We're not always that distinct, mind you, sometimes attributes get mixed up for different purposes and sometimes we split up.  When we're particularly unified we call it being Allah or going Allahway."
"Would that be..."
"Well let's just say that Muslims are easily confused."

"So you created this universe?"
"Yeah, this one and quite a few others as a matter of fact"
"Why?"
"Why what? Why this one? Or why universes in general?"
"Both."
"Well we create universes because it's interesting, challenging and most of all because we need something to keep ourselves busy.  I particularly like designing the physics of a universe. Did you know if you vary certain core dimensions by even a tiny fraction they can't exist? Of course you didn't.  I also like designing finger lakes - ever been to Ithaca?"
"But this one"
"Ah yes, this one." He sighed, I assume for effect since he didn't have a need for respiration.

"Well this one wasn't exactly Allah idea if you get my drift."

He seemed to deflate perceptibly as he spoke about our creation.  Again I presume, for effect.

"Creation was Jesus' baby from the get-go. He really wanted to create a universe that could support life made in 'our image' so to speak. To which Holy would say ' our image? Have you ever seen us in the mirror?' And I'd say no 'cause there isn't one big enough ha ha!' I really think I spend so much time on finger lakes because ol' Holy Roller thinks he's so funny. So anyway Jesus really wanted you guys to exist so we humored him - I don't mean with Holy's jokes - I mean we let him get his way."
"Get his way? Does that mean that you were opposed to..."
"Well let's not say 'opposed' more conflicted I think.  I mean it's a big step to take making something like you. Chimps and porpoises are one thing but you guys...."

His voice trailed off but I said nothing.  It was like he was struggling with what to say.

"Funny isn't it? I mean I'm God, we created everything and yet I'm not sure what to say about a single stupid species on a single stupid planet in a single little universe."
"Does that mean we're alone?"
"Of course it does, you don't think we'd do this again do you?"
"I mean it's just that this is really big - the confirmation of Fermi's Paradox and..."
"Oh yeah, Fermi - he was lucky he didn't get roasted in those squash courts at U Chicago. He was a good physicist but his math - what a slacker.  But yep, you're alone - I guess you could say it was the ultimate anthropomorphic design: we made it for you. Well really for Jesus."

"Why did Jesus want to create us?"
"Well you should probably ask him but of I were to hazard a guess I'd say that he was lonely"
"Lonely?"
"Yeah, its not easy living three in one and Holy and I had this Mutt and Jeff thing going on at the time and I think Jesus just thought it would be swell to have someone his own age to talk to."
"His own age"
"Well technically no - we're infinite so you can't be our actual age but we split up by what you would call generations.  I'm God the father so I'm older, Holy is middle aged.  If you ask me he's going through a perpetual mid-life crisis. And Jesus, well he's the teen and you know teens: 'nobody understands me,' 'I'm not like you' - whaddya mean you're not like us? You are us. Which went over like a lead balloon. And the sulking: do you have any idea what it's like going through eternity with a sulking teen? 
"So Jesus comes up with the bright idea to make what he called a man: a creature in our image. - sort of a Mini-Me or us if you will.  And that's when things started to go off the rails"

"Why, what happened?"
"It isn't so much what happened as it is what we had to do.  Jesus wanted a real man, really made in our image. I mean if he'd just wanted someone to talk to we'd have gotten him a Cockatoo. But no, Adam - that's what we called him - had to be like us and that required certain compromises."

"What do you mean by compromises?"
"It's like this, to be made in our image Adam had to have a soul - which you wouldn't think is a big deal, but it is.  So we had to take a bit of ourselves, our essence and put it in this Adam character. And that of course made Adam different than anything we'd ever done.  We didn't focus on it at the time but it had huge implications for us"

As if by magic Gabe appeared behind God and whispered something in his ear. "Oh, OK say, I'm gonna need to run did you get enough?"
"Well I'd like to spend some more time on the creation of us - it's kind of a big topic down here."
"That's fine, have Gabe get it on your calendar - yeah that's right we keep calendars for all you guys. I think you call it predestination. Me, I don't need one, being timeless and all.  As a matter of fact my  next meeting is back in the 1800s with a guy named John Smith who somehow has got it into his head that the lost tribes of Israel are Indians.  I've got to get him to understantd that the Sioux aren't just Levites in Loincloths and that if he doesn't cut it out someone is going kill him.  But strangely I find that religious entrepreneus like Smith make the worst listeners.  He'll probably get his dumb ass killed an then I'll have to listen to him tell me  how we screwed up.  I mean I agree with hiim that we screwed up but becoming a Mormon doesn't fix it."